Chump of the Month

Dearest Macaulay,

How are you? In case you're not hip to us, we're AH HOLE AH HOLE, the (online) "People Magazine" of the "art" "world." AH HOLE AH HOLE (which you would LOVE, b.t. dubs) is deeming you August's Chump Of The Month. Yes, you. You must understand, this is not happening because we hate you, this is happening because we love you. A lot. And we are concerned about you, you know, as a friend. Honestly, we feel you have what it takes to be the biggest Hunk of the 21st Century but you're just not living up to your full potential-- and nothing says "Chump" like wasted genius. It really gets us down. Like, c'mon, Macaulay, you're an icon - LIVE IT UP, keep the momentum! Mack dat sh$$$t. The thing is, you are as relevant today in 2011 as you were way back when, in fact you are more relevant now than ever. Who cares about your past anyway. BE HERE NOW. We know you're probably sick of people banking on your fu*%#ked-up and "unique" life, making you out to be someone you're not...but that's the thing - AH HOLE knows you're one of us, we recognize you, and it's deep. We can understand why you would want to hide away, get out of the lime-light, but hey, who says you have to be a movie star? Move on, you're an artist. Seriously. LOOK IN THE MIRROR. HELLLOOO. It's really bunk your parents and lawyers screwed you over and took your money, but why desperately try to make some moola with movies like """Sex and Breakfast,""" when you could have a solo at ART BLOG ART BLOG and make millions and billions? We feel it's time you get out your endless (and priceless) teenage angst in a positive way. Don't be a Chump, Macaulay! Maybe, if you read this letter and shape up a bit, we'll make you Hunk next time. Deal?
Okay, gotta run, hope you're well. Take care!

All of our LOVE,

ps: miss you! lets shoot up sometime! ;) haha j/k j/k ;)