Hunk Of the Month, Whoopi Goldberg

Black History Month? More like, Black HUNK of the Month. Is it racist? We'll never know. Anyway AH HOLE loves black people ('cept OJ, 'course). Hang on, Whoopi's Jewish? Goldberg - HELLLOOO. ANNNND GAY!?!!?!? WHOA-HA! Hold on fellas, only one minority per month at a time! O.K., O.K., We'll let Whoopi slide. Or JUMP, for that matter. Not HUNK material, you say? Think again. This African cutie is SPRUUUNG! You'll be wettin' your pants after watching Jumpin' Jack Flash - and I don't mean a dirty diaper.

This chick may be remembered for Sister Act and Ghost, which, yes, applause applause, but why haven't we all realized sooner the true HUNK that she is? CHECK YOURSELF. It'zzz February! Whoopi trumps the coolest of duh cool - style, attitude, wits, charm - she's got it all. It's time to RECOGNIZE. Let's pun like a Little Rascal and hear it for "WHOOOPIIEEEEEEE!"

Hunk of the Month, Dirk Bogarde

Scoundrel. Cameleon. Debbonaire. Hunk. Some say "Nothing says Dirk Bogarde like DIRK BOGARDE," but we say "Nothing says Dirk Bogarde like when AH HOLE cums in it's pants!" Now we'll show you blogSPOT! This underground rascal may not catch your eye at first glance, but believe you me, keep watching! Go on, watch The Night Porter,watch The Servant. We DARE you. Afterwards you'll feel like a real peeping Tom - and that's exactly what he wants! "Touch me, teach me, eat me, beat me!" He will have you screaming! Oh, those subtle glances, that sly grin....What IS he thinking? You KNOOOOW it's bbbbbbBAD! Girls, boys, masters, maids - doesn't matter as long as it's causing trouble! What a Devil - devilishly handsome, that is. A true unappreciated suave of the sixties and seventies. Homo but, who cares when this fag has you up his sleeve. Thanks for starting off the New Year as AH HOLE'S January Hunk of the Month, Dirk. RIP.

Rod Deal

Hunk Of The Month, Rod Deal

Shalome renegades!

Everyblogger knows that The Late Great Bob Marley was the maestro of cryptic lyrics like "no woman no cry," "iron, lion, zion," and "natural mystic"-- phrases whose multiple implications can only be comprehended all at once, in a flash. That these epiphanies are immediately submerged into the unconscious of the listener enhances, rather than detracts, from the power of their message and the genius of the art form.

But, hey, that's Bob Marley! And we're here to spotlight a different-- but related!-- prodigy: White Rasta, Rod Deal. Call us "alternative," but in our view, nothing says "timeless reggae anthem" like bouncy narratives about growing ganj in the backwoods of Northern California, the outrageous dangers of herbicides, and fleeing from feds swooping down to bust your scene in HELICOPTERS. Lyrics like "Oh lord, they're coming for my herb, I grow the herb superb" and "I'm an heeerb smoker, I'm proud to be a marijuana man" may lack the mystique of other, more "mainstream" reggae classics, but what they lack in subtlty, they more than make up for in expository punch! Rod proved white men can Jah, and we'd like to take this moment to light our sage chode in recognition of a legendary voice which lives on. Nothing gets AH HOLE wet like skanking when the Ideals go dub (Oh Lord!), we miss you, Rod.

Opening Tonight @ Tomorrow Gallery

Tomorrow

163 Sterling

Toronto, Canada

Joshua Abelow

Dumb & Easy

Opening: September 29, 2011

7-11pm

"Self-Portrait," Joshua Abelow, 2010

"Satan's Bitches," Daniel Heidkamp, 2011

LINK

Nothing Says Sunday Morning Like...


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Hunk of the Month

Artist, blogger, poet, now-curator, and even friend, AH HOLE AH HOLE has designated September's Hunk of the Month to the one-of-a-bloggist, Joshua Abelow. Don't worry kids, we thought this over long and hard: "Overkill?" "No, lets do it." "Is it too much?" "Who cares if it's too much, it's AH HOLE." "He does so much for us." "Fuck em, no way, let's make him Chump." "Yea, Chump, that's perfect." "But whose it gonna be? It's art month in New York, we need an artist Hunk." "Oh okay, fine, yea, Josh is Hunk."

So, Josh, (yes, we are talking to you now...one of our top-five most avid viewers) (like, actual fan, ever heard of it? - not like you fuckers who lower AH HOLE to your 'google reader' status. Don't you know that part of AH HOLE is going to the blogspot, viewing the ENTIRE PAGE, the way it LOOKS? As supposedly "aesthetically inclined" people, we thought our "readers" would know better.)...anyway, JOSH, back to you: obviously we didn't want to stroke your ego too too much by honoring you as a Hunk (yes, one of many, you are not the only one), BUT daaang, brother, there's no denying: you deserve it.

Not only did Abelow get the September openings rolling with his curatorial debut MAGIC HAND! @ ART BLOG ART BLOG, he has a solo show opening September 29th at Toronto's up-and-coming gallery Tomorrow, AND today of all days, September 3rd, is this miracle-of-genetic's 35th Birthday!

So, Josh, just as you thought birthday presents couldn't get any better than electric blankets and "I Love New York" mugs....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOSH. We hope you enjoy being September's finest, Hunk of the Month. ;) AH HOLE AH HOLE wouldn't be the same without you.

I'll show you Kool-Aid...

Hunk Of The Month

Take It To The Bridge! Jeff Bridges, a star who needs no introduction, is AH HOLE's August's Hunk. Hot as a summer's day, Jeff is the ideal guy when all everybody wants to do is makeout on the beach. He may look a little dumb-- and believe you us, that's part of why we love him! -- but Jeff is one of those versatile Hunks who just cannot be typecast. A real natural. And if you don't buy it? Ponder, for a moment, this: what would the world be without Jeff Bridges? Don't pretend a lump didn't rise in your throat at the thought of such a terrible scenario... your body knows even if your mind stubbornly refuses to consent. Furthermore, had you been there to observe Jeff's birth in John Carpenter's 1984 flick Starman, you would have seen that on his caul was this word--in the palest membrane-- etched: HUNK.

Thank you, RAS BLECKNER!

SATURDAY, JULY 30th, 2011

NOON - 6PM

LAST DAY: CAN I GET A WITNESS?

@ ART BLOG ART BLOG

"Ross Bleckner," Timothy Greenfield-Sanders

Hunk of the Month

"The Substitution of Time for Eternity," Ross Bleckner, 2008-09

In a World of Chumps, Ross is Hunk

Why is Ross so hot? Because Ross is boss and does what he wants. Ross doesn't take "no" for an answer and he sure knows how to live the Good Life. Fools and clowns all around? Hell yeah, but Ross sticks to his guns. Boogymen, dweebs and posers all over? You bet, but Ross keeps his head held high. Are we obsessed? Yes. Hooked? Uh huh. Fans? Yup. Fanatics? Pretty much.

Ross Bleckner, Hunk of the Month