AH HOLE AH HOLE: October 2012

"Gotta Get Thru This" If only I could get through this I get through this I gotta get through this I gotta get through this I gotta make it, gonna make, gonna make it through I'm gotta get through this I gotta get through this I gotta take my, gotta take my mind off you Give me just a second and I'll be all right Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay Just another day and then I'll hold you tight When your love is pouring like the rain I close my eyes and it's gone again When will I get the chance to say I love you I pretend that you're already mine Then my heart ain't breaking every time I look into your eyes If only I could get through this If only I could get through this If only I could get through this God, God gotta help me get through this I gotta get through this I gotta get through this I gotta make it, gonna make, gonna make it through Said I'm gonna get through this I gotta get through this I gotta take my, gotta take my mind off you Give me just a second and I'll be all right Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay Just another day and then I'll hold you tight When your love is pouring like the rain I close my eyes and it's gone again When will I get the chance to say I love you I pretend that you're already mine Then my heart ain't breaking every time I look into your eyes If only I could get through this If only I could get through this If only I could get through this God, God gotta help me get through this If only I could get through this God, God gotta help me get through this If only I could get through this God, God gotta help me get through this If only I could get through this...

Isn't it ironic? I was living-- if you wanna call it that-- in L.A. fundraising for my film adaptation of Kafka's Metamorphosis, when my hands transformed into pot leafs. Granted it wasn't one of those wake-up-in-the-morning and OH MY GOD! Type of things-- they actually changed very gradually, over roughly 10 months-- but it was a shock nonetheless. The truth is, they're still hands, my hands, they are just green and large, well, large for pot leafs, small for hands...and very light, more like wings really, feather-like, but vegetal or whatever, leafy. I guess I flatter my ego when I think of myself as having turned into a live version of some kind of surrealist painting, but what I'm saying is it has actually had a positive effect on my self image. I guess you could say I identify with Rastafarianism more now but who needs these narrow, racist categories !? Anyways I was feeling like such a piece of shit before--trying to be artistic, high brow, really just being a couch potato online all day… But this has really thrown me for a loop-- in a GOOD way! Kinda like a chance to kill myself without ever having to do it! Who wouldn't jump at that !? I mean everyone's bored out their gored, everyone wants a new beginning. Btw rhyming and poetry (and even getting back into Tracy Chapman) have really taken on new joy for me since the change-- which is a HUGE change in and of itself-- my sense of humor back then rarely dared transcend "ha ha," whereas now…well you can imagine! All the cliches apply, actually... food is better... sex is better (once past the initial "hi yes these are really my hands mmhmm, they're pot leaves yes okay you can smell them go ahead but please be careful, don't crush.") I would say life is more intense in general, more "dream-like". Also my friends (yes, assholes, I've got friends, more than ever!) really get a kick out of watching me drum which is yet another new thing I've taken up... not seriously, of course, just you know, exploring and playing along with some of the endless rhythms taking place at all times everywhere. But I like the attention and now I blog for a living which is really cool best of all my parents are proud which is pretty trippy when you think about it!